Where has all our Mutual Respect Gone?

Over these last few weeks (actually, since the start of the Presidential Primaries) we’ve lost our collective minds.  There can no longer be a difference of opinions you either support ‘insert topic here’ or you’re the Scum of the Earth.  You’re the lowest of the low.

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Where is our respect for the person?  Where is our compassion for each other? Where is our ability to disagree with the philosophy but still respect the person? Where is our kindness?

Am I the only one who cares about these things? 

During this time, I’ve seen families tear themselves apart, friends stop talking to friends, and people lose their jobs.  We’ve witness nothing but hate on TV and Online. The worst part is this seems like this is our new normal. Not only for us, but for our country. It’s disappointing because I thought we were better than that. It’s dangerous because we’re tearing ourselves apart from the inside and we don’t seem to care. As long ‘we’ are right.

If we’re not on the brink of collapse as a country, I’d be shocked.

Why are we letting the media and the politicians do this to us?  We have the power.  We can choose to respect each other.  We can choose to disagree and not come to fist-a-cuffs. We have the control.  We can protest without fighting or destroying property.  We can fight for what we hold dear and still have a strong society.

Last May I wrote a blog titled ‘Stop Being Negative and Don’t be a Jerk’ (missed it click here).  I wrote it for Memorial Day because we needed these reminders.  Then in July I wrote a blog ‘Be a Decent Person–Shut down your Technology Once in a While’ (missed it click here). I wrote this because we need the reminder. I wrote these two blogs, and now this one, in reaction to what I see happening around me.  We’re on a downward spiral and instead of helping each other we’re hell bent on destroying ourselves.

Why? Again, am I the only one who sees this?  Who cares?  I can’t be. I refuse to even consider it’s just me, alone, trying to get people to stop and really take a look at how we’re tearing each other apart.

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Look, I’m not naive.  There are awful people all around waiting to take advantage of a volatile situation, but we can’t let them do it.  We have to police ourselves.  We have to treat each other the way we want to be treated. 

Some people say to me.  What do you know about hate?  What do you know about discrimination?  This is all easy for you to say because you’ve never experienced it. You’re a white male, you’re part of the privileged class.  You have no idea.

What they don’t understand is that there are more forms hate out there probably than people.  I’ve been threatened with physical harm for talking with a lisp and for being seen leaving the wrong kind of club.  I’ve been followed by thugs who, if I was caught, would have done who knows what to me.  I’ve had my car vandalized just for being me. I’ve been followed after I left a club having to drive to a police station before those following me decided to find easier prey.  I’ve been pulled over by the police having my car and my person searched for no other reason than being a teenager and male.  I’ve been fired from a job for being gay and then told by an expensive lawyer there is nothing I could do. Has it been as bad for me as for others? No.  We all have stories and for many it is worse than anything I can imagine.

Now, I could have allowed these awful events to corrupt who I am. Thinking about them still hurts and still makes me angry. But I won’t let them control me.  I won’t give any of these actions that kind of power over me.  And neither should we when it comes to all this hate and violence.  We need to step up and be the better people.  We need to show these hatemongers (on all sides) that they are wrong. We should celebrate our difference, not run people down or riot.  We have a right to disagree and to voice our unhappiness.  But, that is a right extended to everyone, not just the people who agree with us.  It is both our strength and our weakness as a nation.

We’ll never be able to change their minds fighting in the streets.  Heck, we may never change their minds at all. At some point all the rational-respectful people will have to sit down and say “That’s all right.” This is their problem and I refuse to allow them to affect the way I live my life and do my job.

You may not ever agree with them but you should respect them enough to walk away and go on with your life.  The worst thing you can do to any of these haters is take away their power and their spotlight.  Don’t let them control you, don’t let the media and the politicians control you. If each of us holds true to this one ideal, we win and the world will be a better place for it.

The best way to counter hate isn’t to fight it, but to show it kindness and goodness.  Hate is like fire, the more oxygen and fuel, you give it the bigger it gets.  If you take away its fuel it will burn itself out and vanish.

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I hope I’m not the only one who feels like this.  If you agree let me know.  I want to hear how you are fighting against hate and violence.  I want to learn about how you are respecting those that don’t deserve it to show them what being a human being is really like.

Until next week, be kind to each other and stand up to hate.  Fight cruelty with kindness and please respect your fellow brothers and sisters.

Stop Being Negative and Don’t be a Jerk

This Memorial Day Weekend I wanted to talk about all the negativity and general jerkiness I see these days, both on-line and out in the world.  Over the last week I’ve been reminded just how lucky and blessed I am.  If you follow me on Twitter and on Facebook (which I hope you do) you should know that this week I got picked up by NineStar Press they are going to be publishing my book ‘The Calling’.  Getting the news made me stop and think how I got to this point.  Yes, there was a lot of work involved.  And, yes, there was a certain amount of luck.  But, I also believe one of the key reasons I got picked up was because of how I treat everyone and how I interact with the world.

I’m not perfect.  No one is.  And I sure don’t shoot sunshine and rainbows out my rear-end. But I can affect what I put out there and that influences the way others interact with me.

When I first started my writing journey I got a lot of really hard negative feedback.  People were tough on me.  I could have fallen down the well of negativity and self-pity it was so bad.  After a few days of sulking and licking my wounds, I went back to writing and wrote and re-wrote.  Instead of being a jerk I continued to thank folks for all their feedback and I continued to be grateful.  It wasn’t easy, because some people were mean, and like many writers my ego is fragile (Lord help me when I start getting reviews).  At the time I only had a Facebook page and instead of complaining on Facebook, I continued to post things about how grateful I am and how proud I am of others (oh, and dragons.  I love dragons).  Sure, every so often I posted something that I found appalling.  Doing so was never to jump on the bandwagon of being nasty or with the intention of hurting anyone.  It was always with the goal in mind of making people stop and think. It was always comments like this:

  • Be kind to one another.
  • Think before you speak. 
  • Don’t be nasty.
  • Don’t be cruel.
  • Don’t promote hate.
  • If you want to make change work for that change, don’t complain or moan-and-grown.
  • Support each other.

During a time when everyone was fighting and arguing; crying and complaining; blaming and fear mongering, I continued on…

Oh, man this is starting to sound preachy and give the illusion of me being so perfect.  Ugh.  I’m not.  I’m so far from perfect.  I whine and I complain, I have good days and I have shitty days, I can be cruel and I can be mean, I’ve been known to make people cry.  I will continue to be everything I try to say we shouldn’t be, not because it’s my goal, but because I’m human.

What I want to get across, today, is the need for us, all of us, to do better.  To be kinder, to not allow all the garbage happening outside our ring of control to take over our lives.  When we only promote negativity that is all that surrounds us.  How can we do great things if we’re stuck in the bubble of being a jerk? Or being nasty to each other.  We’ve had men and women die and suffer to provide us with the opportunities to do whatever we want.  To give us a chance to make the world a better place.  We can’t sit here and use that gift to promote mistreatment of each other.  We are one human species and we need to celebrate that.

There are people, not really people, but monsters, out in the world ready and willing to kill each and every one of us (Liberal or Conservative; Straight or Gay; Man or Woman; Young or Old).  Why? Because we have all these wonderful gifts and opportunities and they’re jealous.  Don’t help these creatures of evil.  Don’t add to their power.  Don’t be negative and don’t be a jerk.  Turn your back on all the garbage and go out there and make the world you want to live in.  Support each other, be kind, help one another, and if you don’t agree with someone then prove them wrong by words and deeds not by arguing and fighting.

Good things happen.  Dreams come true, when you push away all the crap and all the hate wonderful things happen, strangers give you opportunities. Friends break down into tears when you share your good luck.  You end up inspiring others.

I challenge everyone who reads this to do something positive, whatever that is.  Leave the pity party and get off the negative bandwagon.  Go out and do good.  It can be small like a friendly message of support on Facebook to big like volunteering in a homeless shelter or soup kitchen.  Just be kind and promote goodness. That is what we all need and I promise you goodness will find you.

Happy Memorial Day, don’t let their sacrifice be in vain.

As always I love to get comments so please feel free to leave your thoughts below.  If this Blog Post spoke to you, feel free to share it.  See you next time